when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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