Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
