you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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