you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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