We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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