You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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