Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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