Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
