there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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