I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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