they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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