dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
