I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
