After last night, I could never be a politician.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
