i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
