I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
