Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
