with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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