Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Nicole vs. Life
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
