shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
