i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
