If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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