I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
