Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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