I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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