He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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