I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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