Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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