I need help removing her.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
