She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize