he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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