Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
