Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
