Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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