So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize