theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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