...so i touched it.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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