I got chris browned last night
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
