Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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