Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You're like the curious george of whores
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
