Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize