Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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