Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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