Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
