Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
