bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
