I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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