coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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