Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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