so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
