btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
