i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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