someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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